I made a commitment to myself at some point this year. Not a new year’s resolution, because I don’t believe in those and it’s a stupid time to make resolutions, anyway, but a commitment.
I committed to being brutally honest.
You weren’t already? you all exclaim, shocked and horrified.
No, I wasn’t. I didn’t talk about a lot of things, I edited myself all the time, I made sure to be nice and non-offensive. Or whatever. I walked on eggshells made of glass.
And then I realized that that sort of attitude serves no one, least of all myself. The revolution will not be nice. I am not doing greater good by tiptoeing around the hard subjects, by lying about myself and my past. I am doing greater bad. The more lies I heap onto my life, the less I am living the attitude of the knife. I have to be ready to cut.
So I will always be brutally honest here, at Innocence and Immanence. About myself, my practice, my family past. If I cannot be brutally honest about a subject, I won’t write about it. As simple as that.
And if you find there are long hiatuses in between posts, it is because I am having trouble finding the words with which I can be brutally honest, and I do not want to post half-honestly.
And if ever I find that I have been lying to myself unawares, and therefore to you all, I will come clean.