I’ve come to realize something over the past little while.
I need to put Honor the Mothers on pause.
This project started as a way for me to clean my house and connect it to my spirituality and also write a book in the meantime. Then I decided that I couldn’t do a year and a day of cleaning because I would go insane (even if that’s what it will take to clean the garbage heap I live in). Also…the book as it was sounded boring.
So I pivoted, to it being a project where I spend a year and a day investigating 13 different things that are classed as “women’s work”, the idea being I’d delve into the spiritual mysteries of the mundane, the strength of the women who came before me, and learn a bit about myself in the process.
I still think it’s a great idea and I still want to do it. I just can’t so long as I’m living here.
This place is…I don’t even have a word for what it is. I can’t keep it clean. I’m totally unhappy here. I’m basically sticking it out until we can move next year (which I’m praying will actually happen).
At present I’m attempting a few things to make living here more bearable, but I have no idea how well they will work. I’ve no idea how my magic is going to continue to work so long as I’m in this place. It seems to mostly fizzle out or backfire; the last super effective spell I did in this house was during the solar eclipse. I think harnessing the power of that cosmic event is what made the spell work, not me overcoming the barriers put down here.
As I’ve said, there has been some lifting to the stifling spiritual atmosphere in this house, but not enough. Maybe it’s not just a malevolent entity crouching here. Maybe the house is also built in a shitty energy sink, where crappy energy just pours into it. Or maybe so long as my landlady resides above us, her nasty personality will continue to seep into the place, a veritable egregore of yuck.
I’m still going through hell, but I’ve decided not to make it any harder on myself. Or on the work. Honor the Mothers will suffer if I continue to work on it while living here. So it’s being put on a back burner until we live in a house that isn’t actively at odds with my happiness.
However. I am going to be working on a new witchcraft book over the next little while; one I can do work on while living here. I don’t want to say too much about it publicly yet, but excerpts will be posted at my Patreon once I’m deeper into it. If you’re interested, you can see those excerpts for $1 a month.
Thanks for sticking with me through my extended hiatuses. I’ll admit, I thought I’d be writing here more during my first semester back at school. I wildly underestimated how many spoons 5 classes would suck out of me (read: all of them, plus 50 billion more). I think my face made a permanent imprint on the cafeteria table I slept on twice a week for 14 weeks.
I’m still recovering, but getting there. Hopefully will have another post up here in the next couple of weeks.
~Morag