It is hard to love you now

Relationships with the gods and spirits are for many reasons. For gifts, for help, because you like them, because you share some element, some essence. Reciprocity. I give to the Three that the universe might keep ticking on.  Perhaps in other perspectives the Three aren’t the movers and shakers of All That Is, but for …

Joy & Grief: figuring out my Samhain Advent

I completely dropped the ball on doing fire festival advents this year. In the wave of grief following the death of my friend and the death of my mentor, it seems very important to me that I actually follow through with Samhain advent. Despite living in a house that is spiritually blocking me, in which …

Imbolc 2017, Ritual Debrief

My Imbolc ritual wasn’t a full ritual, not like I did Loafmass last year. Hopefully at some point I’ll get it figured out enough to actually do rituals for the 4 big holidays in one contiguous year. Anyway. I went simple, because my brain has been fried lately, because I’ve been exhausted, because the pressure …

Lantern of the Ancestors

Sermon in church yesterday was exactly what I needed. I was late, somehow, even though I made the decision to stay up later and make the 8:30 am service instead of snatching 3 hours sleep before the 10:30 am; distraction set in, and then I’m running out the door at 8:25, which is fine as …

The Samhain that Wasn’t

Following up on a successful, if belated, Loafmass, this year I wanted to have a good Samhain celebration. I tried to get to it by October 31st, but that didn’t happen — work ate my face last month and I was supremely busy. That’s okay, I thought. Samhain season lasts until Remembrance Day for me …

My Polytheism

I am sort of fried today. Didn’t sleep well, despite the CPAP; think I’ll have to lay off the coffee so late at night. I thought music would help me write but it just distracted me, and I’m sitting here trying to get my thoughts on the page and making typos every other word and …

A very belated Loafmass

Loafmass is supposed to be on August 2nd, making it parallel with Imbolc. Instead of focusing on any one of the Three, it’s a holiday for all of them. Loafmass is about berries and bread, and the first harvest, and sucking all we can out of summer before autumn reigns the land. It’s about sun …

Fleeing Father’s Day

Father’s day is hard for me. I’ve been trying to reclaim it in Manannan’s name, as He is my Father now. Since I cut my bio-sire out of my life and accepted Manannan’s offer to adopt me, I have been looking for ways to heal the deep wounds left by having a narcissistic sociopathic abuser …

What cannot be said will be wept

I feel as if I’ve spent an entire week crying; weeping out my anguish first for the betrayal of the mothers who once welcomed me, and today for the physical manifestation of that self-same hate. In the early hours of Sunday morning, a shooter tore up Pulse nightclub in Orlando, killing 50 and injuring at …

Gender Agnosticism

There are very few things I know for sure. This is true in all areas of my life, but right now I want to talk about just a few. About gender, and the gods. I don’t know what gender is. Not really. I have some thoughts — I think it’s a social construct, but unlike …