the spinner's archive – Page 13 – over 10 years of posts from Morag Spinner

Weekly Ritual, January 9th

Super-creative post title, I know.

Sat down and did my ritual a few minutes ago. I was in excruciating tooth pain for most of the afternoon and unable to function. The pain finally subsided enough for me to feel a bit more human again, so I set up my portable altar and did it.

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I brought my pillar candle, a few tealights and a holder for them, two bundles of sage and holders for them, several crystals, some shells, my wand, prayer beads for Brighid, the Morrigan, and Manannan, my mala, a Brighid’s cross I received in the Cill Imbolc exchange a few years ago, and a few other odds and ends.

I started by lighting the candles and some sage, breathing in the scent and letting it float up around me. (I personally find the scent of burning sage very pleasant and cleansing.)

I then grabbed my mala and did one round of om mani padme oms while meditating on Avalokiteśvara. This is the Chenrezig meditation, and one I’ve been intermittently working on off and on for years now. I’m nowhere near the goal of 100,000 rounds on the mala. I’d like to make more of an effort to do a few rounds on a regular basis, so I think it’ll become a core part of my weekly ritual.

(The Buddhist elements of my practice come from my mom, who’s a Tibetan Buddhist. She took refuge in the Mahayana tradition. I don’t claim to be an expert on any form of Buddhism, nor would I call myself a Buddhist. That last bit, as with the rest of my path, is fluid and may change.)

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After the Chenrezig meditation, I went through each of my set of prayer beads and said my prayers for Brighid, the Morrigan, and Manannan. This was good, but I don’t know if it’ll be suitable for a weekly, general ritual. I’d rather do more than 3 times a prayer, and have each set be part of a specific ritual for said deity. So perhaps I’ll try and work in a short thing each week for each deity.

Finally, I grabbed a piece of amethyst and asked it to help me with my pain levels. It agreed, and I put it against my face. The pain levels did go down.

After that, I blew out the candles and left the altar set up on the chair in my room.

Not sure what I’ll do next week exactly, but I’ll likely start with the sage and candles and Chenrezig. It was a good beginning.

Whoops

Mom and I got caught up in watching things together last night after a business meeting that fried my brain, and I didn’t do my ritual. I’m going to put something together today instead.

Also, as a warning/heads up, the theme here may change. I’m getting restless again.

Sunset from the ferry and a crescent moon

On my trip up to my mother’s home I took some pictures on the ferry. I was going to post them here on Monday but I forgot; here they are, a few days late. (It’s been completely gray and cloudy since these pictures were taken, so this also serves as a bit of a pick-me-up as well.)

All pictures copyright Morag Spinner.

The moon was also out so I tried to get some shots of it. Unfortunately my camera is not good enough for the pictures to be that great.

Though I despise the company that runs them, I view travelling by ferry as something sort of…hmm. “Devotional” isn’t the right word, but it’s the only one I can think of that’s close enough to what I mean.

Ferries are deeply connected both to Manannan and Hermes in my brain, so whenever I’m on them I try and remind myself of the gods’ presence — not the overpriced food or the way BC Ferries is destroying peoples’ lives. …or perhaps I’m meant to be looking into activism against BC Ferries’ horrible policies as a form of honouring the gods. This is something that has just now occurred to me.

I need to think more about that, definitely.

Today is Wednesday, so I’m hoping to get a ritual/something done sometime after my doctor’s appointment, which is in a little bit. Hopefully be blogging again tonight; if that fails, tomorrow morning.

-Morag

Steps to making 2014 better

I’m participating in a different blogging project this year — The Cauldron Blog Project. It arose out of discussion among the various TCers who were doing PBP. Some of us wanted something a bit different from the alphabet posts; some of us wanted to do PBP as well as something more focused on something we decided as members of the same forum.

I’m not doing PBP this year, nor did I finish last year. As said before, I’ve decided the PBP is just not for me.

The TC Blog Project, is, however, a different format, and one I believe I can commit to. That is, there is more freedom: we’re having monthly themes, with no minimum on how many posts we do in relation to that theme. We may also be choosing threads on the forum to respond to.

January’s theme is Resolutions, Habits, New Beginnings.

tcblogprojectgreen — Logo by Sulischild.

So, here is my first post for the TC Blog Project.

2013 was kind of a crappy year for me, overall. There were some amazing, great things that happened to me last year, which I did blog about — I wanted to focus on the positive. But those amazing things do not cancel out the shit way the year started, nor some of the other ongoing crap in my life (as well as ending the year with the cold from hell, which is still sticking around). I was very happy to see the year end last night.

I’ve decided to work on making 2014 a better year for myself. I have made a resolution (to always be true to myself) and set several goals, which I blogged about at my other blog. I mentioned, briefly, that I do have spiritual goals — but didn’t get in-depth. I still like to compartmentalize my regular-life blog from my spiritual blog.

The goal I listed on that list was Start up some sort of weekly practice, and blog more often at my spiritual blog. Here’s a more in-depth look at that.

One day a week, I am going to do some sort of religious ritual. I am saying “some sort” because while I have some ideas (light candles, say prayers, pour water), I’m going to allow my practice to be organic and changing. This is why I’m setting it to one day a week, and not every day — when I jumped right into everyday practice, it became rote and meaningless. I didn’t feel much when I did it, but I just did it. I want to give my rituals a chance to grow and evolve on their own, until I find something that really works. That something may eventually become a daily practice, or it may not.

I am thinking of setting Wednesday as my one-day a week, because that’s usually when I’m home and a bit more cognizant than at either end of the week. Today, obviously, is a wash for the actual ritual part — but today I am writing here, and that counts. The second part of my goal is to write more here, and I’m going to try to commit to doing it once a week, after my ritual.

There’s another thing I’m going to blog about, which I mentioned last year and haven’t followed through on yet — religious reading. I have several books I need to actually read, beginning to end. I consider them all religious reading, even if some of them may be better classified as “witchcraft studies”. It’s all sort of jumbled together in my brain anyway.

Finally, there may be very short posts talking about whatever Work I’m doing, mundane or mystical (or both). This may or may not include pictures of things.

Whatever I write here at The Mundane Mystic will count towards my Get Your Words Out and Inking It Out word count goal (150,000 words in all of 2014). Therefore, I promise to make it coherent and more like actual articles — journalling I’m saving for my Dreamwidth.

These aren’t resolutions for me, but they are habits I’d like to make. I want 2014 to be a better year for me, and I know I feel better when I’m actively working to better myself, when I’m doing the Work, when I’m being productive, and when I’m sharing certain things with the world at large.

Happy new year.

-Morag

Winter Solstice Celebrations, 2013

Tonight I’ll be heading to a huge annual Yule party held by friends of mine. There will be a turkey dinner, various other foods, some booze, carousing, Rock Band and karaoke, me being antisocial on my computer from time to time as I pop in on TC’s Up All Night revels in chat (well, ok, social, but not in meatspace), and a vigil for the sunrise.

Not sure if I’ll be actually participating in the vigil, as I’m coming down with a cold or flu or something and may choose to sleep instead. But there shall be a vigil. Someone else will make sure the sun rises again, at least.

If you celebrate solstice or Yule, I hope it is bright, blessed, and filled with good food, good friends, and good times.

-Morag

Giving up on PBP

I’ve decided to give up on the Pagan Blog Project. Withdraw my horse from the race. Take my Pokémon out of the … uh. Whatever Pokémon fight in; I’m not a Pokémon fan.

This isn’t because I don’t think the project is a good idea. I think it’s a great one.

I just don’t think it’s great for me.

I went into it hoping it would inspire me to write. Sometimes, it did. I got some good posts out of it. But mostly it just made me stressed, and anxious, because it was one more commitment I couldn’t fulfill.

We’re coming up on the end of the year, now, and again I’ve missed more posts than I’ve written. I’ve given PBP a good run for 2 years, but it’s time to face it: it’s not the best thing for me.

I will continue to blog as and when inspiration strikes. There will be no regular schedule in the coming months. I’m going to try and find back my blogging rhythm. For this blog in particular, that rhythm may be very erratic. Sometimes I just have nothing to talk about with regards to my faith and practice.

I am also going to try to keep the blogging here organic, in the moment. I am going to avoid scheduled posts. That may mean there are several posts in one day, and then nothing for a week after.

To everyone else continuing PBP for this year and (assuming it gets revived next year) in 2014, I wish you luck, and I will try to keep abreast of your posts.

-Morag

The Wounded Healer

The concept of the wounded healer is a really helpful one for me.

I am a fucking mess. I have mental breakdowns on a weekly basis; I often forget to take my meds several days in a row; I basically can’t handle normal human interaction like telephone calls or just, you know, having people see me; it takes me well over an hour just to get out the front door, even after I’ve finished getting ready, even if I’m going somewhere I want to go; I don’t trust a lot of what comes out of my head; I often prefer to spend my time inside, on the internet listening to Rammstien or Apocalyptica or t.A.T.u. while I lament the fact that Kevin McKidd will probably be too old to play Jules deTania when/if Bellica ever becomes an HBO show, because this is obviously a bigger deal than fixing the multitude problems in my life.

And yet.

And yet and yet and yet — yet people say that I’ve helped them. People tell me what I write helps them. People tell me that what I say — the words I cannot, myself, trust — helps them. I have something to offer to folks who are somewhat lost, even though I feel like no one can be as lost as I am.

And so perhaps there is something to the idea of the wounded healer. I am profoundly fucked up and yet I am able to offer something to folks who are only slightly fucked up, or possibly more fucked up, or maybe just as fucked up as I am.

Somehow, by being mired in my own darkness, I am able to fashion a light for others to see by. Somehow, by spending so long in the underworld of my own depression and anxiety, I am able to help people regain their footing on their own long, dangerous climbs out, back to the world of the living.

Is it the redecorating I’ve done? Have I actually gained some of my own footing? Or is this where I stay — a guide to others, but never leaving the underworld myself?

Does it matter?

I’ve helped people. And I pray and hope that I can continue to do so.

Even if a single phone call can make me a sobbing mess on the floor of my kitchen, screaming SET PHASERS TO LOVE ME.

Apple Crisp, Samhain, and the Dead

I have been making apple crisp today. Today I stood in the kitchen and swilled vodka and worked through the pain; I mixed brown sugar and flour and butter; I chopped thin slices of apples the Ogre had skinned; I sprinkled cinnamon on it all and I baked. I baked until my feet ached; I’m still picking dough out from under my fingernails.

The entire time I felt as if I were on the edge of something. The edge of some…epiphany.

My mom brought me all these apples and I knew I needed to make crisp with them, and I knew I needed to do it this weekend because it was Samhain. There is something in my head telling me there’s a connection between making apple crisp…and the dead.

And so today I stood in my fiancé’s kitchen and baked and grasped…and could not hold onto it. Whatever IT was, whatever epiphany I’d been searching for, some clarity to the vague shapes in my brain, I could not find it. I could not grasp it.

I stood and I mixed flour and sugar and butter with my hands, and with every turn of them in the bowl I felt closer to the truth.

And still it slipped away from me.

So the Ogre and I ate apple crisp and ice cream after our dinner. Tomorrow I go home, and I take one crisp with me. I will offer it to my ancestors, I will offer it to my Father. I will offer apples to the dead, to The Lord of Death.

Maybe someday I’ll know why.

Orgasm Magic

This post is probably NSFW or even life and I’m not exactly holding back on the sex talk, so be warned.

Some of the most powerful spells I’ve done have been via orgasm. I don’t call it sex magic, though. Often sex magic makes people think specifically of sex with another person magic and I don’t do that, because it’s quite a bit more complicated. (Sex with another person religious devotion? Different thing, and yes.)

Yes, that means I masturbate to do sex magic. Solo sex magic, I guess you could call it, but I don’t really consider masturbation to be sex. Fun, yes. Useful? Definitely. Sex? No. For me, sex requires a partner (or 2…or 3…whatever).

So I find it a bit more precise to refer to this type of magic as orgasm magic. The orgasm, after all, is the important part.

Continue reading “Orgasm Magic”

There is no such thing as a square god

This post is in response to something Star Foster wrote recently, which frankly is full of vicim-blamey, ableist, classist nonsense.

But don’t let me tell you what to think! Read it all right here.

Comments aren’t enabled, so instead of politely pointing out how I think she’s wrong in the comments (yes, I am polite when on other peoples’ blogs), I get to just jump right into ripping her post to shreds. HOORAY, IT MUST BE CHRISTMAS

Trigger warning for this entire thing.

Continue reading “There is no such thing as a square god”